Having a divorce is a difficult situation, but it can also relieve you from a failing marriage. However, things might get more complicated if you and your spouse already have a kid or children. Their custody and support will take years for the court to decide. And meanwhile, you are still stuck with the past you are trying to leave behind.
But with proper preparation, you can get through a divorce with the least trouble. Here are the tips for you.
Help Yourself First
You do have heard flight attendants say when the oxygen mask drops down from the ceiling, put it on yourself before you help anyone else. Well, the same principle work in other situations, including a divorce. You cannot help others if you are still in bad shape.
If you feel like you are psychologically wounded, do not pretend that you are strong enough to handle it alone. Consult a psychologist to seek help. Get closer to your friends and family to find support. They can be the best reminder for you that you are never truly alone in this world. But also bear in mind that you do not need to be around judgemental people. Avoid one immediately once you spot them.
Divert your sadness and stress to exercise and self-care. Participating in a yoga group or joining a gym bring you closer to other people. There is so much in life than your marriage. And in fact, monogamous relationship for life has been even deemed unnatural by some experts. Books about the sexual revolution, such as Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Society discusses how divorce and separation is an indirect result of our outrageous sexual conduct. Historically, polygyny and polyandry were common. And even up till now, only a few of married couple can keep their, “Til death do us apart,” promise.
Give Him/Her Space
Before filing for a divorce, it is better to live separately first to see how things work. But be responsible with your kids. Try to talk reason with your spouse before you and him/her deciding for a hiatus. Do not let your ego ruins your kid’s childhood. Make sure that your spouse is aware of it too.
Living separately from each other will give both of you time to see all the things clearer than before. Use the time to consult with family and friends. Try to assess what has gone wrong in the marriage.
This step does not mean that you must discourage yourself from taking a firm decision for divorce. We do realize that some things cannot be fixed and separation might be the best solution in some contexts. But bugging your head with the trouble all the time will not give you any good result. It is like taking a deep breath before facing the upcoming storm.
Start Thinking about Your Children
If it is possible, talking about the kid’s custody is best to do earlier than the divorce. It gives a good example to your kids that even when a separation is inevitable, you and your spouse, as parents, can resolve the trouble as adults. You still show that you are still responsible and rational about your kid’s future. Never neglect them, unless you want to raise a kid with personality problems.
Divorce can be traumatic to children, and you must take that matter seriously. Do not be ashamed of the problem and find a family consultant to help your kid to cope up with your family divorce.…